I Have Commitment Issues?
Hello Readers,
Long time, no speak. My last blog post was about a month ago, and yes I am ashamed as well about my inconsistency, but in all honesty that seems to be a pattern with this blog – let me explain why. I have commitment issues. And before you start making assumptions about me like: "Wow, Naydeline can't keep a man," and "You can't trust her,” it's not like that. I don't have commitment issues in the relational sense – I can "keep a man" and you can trust me one-hundred percent with whatever you choose to trust me with – but I do have commitment issues in the educational sense and in terms of my career. What does that mean? I have trouble accepting a job, and sticking to it. If I take up a new project, more often than not, I will not finish it, drop it after a month, or I'll half-ass it. (That's why I haven't blogged in more than a month! You see where I'm getting with this?).
It's not that I'm lazy or uninterested in the new projects, jobs, and internships I take up – or even my major – it's more so that I'm indecisive and I tend to overthink...a lot...like everything. For example, I am currently studying communicative disorders at my university and I really like my major, but after two years into the program I am not fully sure that I want to enter the medical field – the common trajectory with this degree. Although I love my classes, I feel as though I may be wasting my time studying something that won't even be my career in the future. Another example is my current social media internship; I absolutely love social media and curating my own social channels, but after a month at my internship I've realized that social media marketing isn't exactly what I would want to be doing in the future. And I know I should be appreciating these moments of realization as learning experiences on my path to self-actualization and determining my dream career, but to me this all seems like a waste of time.
The truth is that I'm a control-freak – I like to control everything from what I'm doing, where I'm going, to where I am in life.
The truth is that I'm a control-freak – I like to control everything from what I'm doing, where I'm going, to where I am in life. I'm only 19 – young and the perfect age to explore careers and all that the world has to offer me – but a part of me feels like I should know where I want to be by now, and not knowing so has me feeling anxious and half-assin’ my way through life until I find some sort of joy in what I do or realization of where I want to be. I don't know why I feel this way and have some sort of urgency of realizing my "dream career,” but I just do. Maybe it's the fast-paced environment I live in, being surrounded by people and friends who seem to have their shit together, or the fact that I was rushed into choosing a career path straight out of high school (I'm still mad about this).
Nevertheless, as I continue this journey called life, continue to have new experiences and network, I am slowly realizing what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I may not know much, but I know this: 1. no desk job; 2. no job where I am staring at a screen for more than 4 hours straight; 3. something where I can work closely with others, in a team or with clients; 4. something creative. With this self-made criteria in mind, I've found some possible career paths and am exploring them, some of these are: interior design, personal styling, event planning, and UI/UX design. This might be a long journey to realizing my dream career, but who ever said the best things in life come easy? Rome was certainly not built in a day, and neither will Naydeline be.
If I'm going to spend 90,000 hours of my adult life working, then I may as well being doing something fun and that I love.
You might be asking, "Why do you care so much about what job you end up doing? The reason for a job is to get money to pay the bills and you can get money doing almost anything." Although this may be true to some extent, (jobs are NOT just for getting money! Hello? What about the experience and growth? Do you want to stay at that entry-level job for the rest of your life?) a job is also where many adults spend the majority of their time. If I'm going to spend 90,000 hours of my adult life working, (yes, that is the average amount of time an adult spends working in their lifetime!) then I may as well being doing something fun and that I love. (Hey, who said this internship hasn't taught me anything?).
I hope that you all find your niche, realize your dream job or career, and go for it! Life is too short to spend your time doing mediocre work at a job that you hate with people you dislike.
Xo, Naydeline